Happy Black History Month!! Today We Salute… The Candy Lady

The Candy Lady, yes her. She put more smiles on the face of kids then Michael Jackson during a sleepover at Never Land Ranch. She handed out more candy than the creepy neighbor that owned the van with no windows in the back.

Starting off selling penny candy out of her garage, she eventually built her clientele up enough to purchase a glass case to place candy in making it easy for everyone to see what they wanted and making her garage look like a real store.  She also added a picture to hang behind the glass case of the Last Supper, featuring Jesus and Black Apostles… Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, Marvin Gaye and other dead Black people with first names beginning with ‘M’.  As the years moved on The Candy Lady was able to purchase the little building at the end of the block opening a “Corner Store” or as we call it “da coh-na sto”.

Ah yes… the Candy Lady’s Corner Store, you never knew how long the chicken had been out but when you did not feel like going 24 blocks to make sure your chicken was fresh and USDA approved she was your girl. The bulk of her business became lottery tickets, loose cigarettes, 40 oz brews, and hot fries… Selling questionable meat just allowed her to be open all day but she still had all the candy you wanted and candy is dandy!

The Candy Lady’s next purchase was the Cadillac she always had her eye on and a bunch of fur coats.  It was good to see someone in your neighborhood doing so well, especially someone as sweet as the Candy Lady. The Candy Lady’s store closed when the DEA discovered she sold some different candy, guess that explains the Cadillac she was rolling ain’t that much damn money is Jolly Ranchers and Chico Stix.  Turns out after the government cut the Candy Lady’s Social Security check she decided to flip her $350 check into more by selling weed.  Having a candy store just allowed her to not look funny sitting in her garage all day as grown men walked up to her all day long while they shook hands twice, looked over their shoulders, and then they ran off.

The Candy Lady went from selling nickel and dime bags, along with candy chews and quarter juices, to moving real weight.  She stopped being a street hustla to supplying the entire east side of town and putting her grandsons to work by tracking down nigga’s that owed her money.  The feds found out the real reason why she bought that glass case with the candy in it was to hide the 15 kilos of uncut that she kept at all times and block people from seeing her youngest grandson kneeled down holding a semi-automatic assault rifle… for when you started trippin’.

Currently serving 40 years of federal time… which at 69 years of age is LIFE!  The DEA said the Candy Lady was responsible for moving over 600 kilo’s of cocaine every year for over 9 years, 8 million dollars in marijuana distribution annually, the deaths of at least 19 gang members, and over $500,000 in payments to dentists by Medicaid to fix cavities for the kids in that neighborhood.  Happy Black History Month to the Candy Lady or as you are known to the youngsters on the block you live today… “02-CI7-9304-DU44-5822”

About On My Square

King, Bishop, or Pawn... I will not be knocked off my square!
This entry was posted in African American, Black History Month, Chicago, Comedy, Humor, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Happy Black History Month!! Today We Salute… The Candy Lady

  1. Tru, dat?
    Another beauty from you, but, the Candy Lady’s real?
    All this ol’ white gal can say is, “Wow!”.

    And, this ‘ol’white gal’ really appreciates your writing style. Your series on Black History Month has been inciteful, not to mention all the laughing I’ve done…because ‘this ol’ white gal’ knows a lot of stuff…’bout lotta things, and lotta people.

    Seriously, I have been an observer of human nature (no color involved) for over 50 years now, and I find the more people think they ‘change’, the more they don’t.

    “Keep going!” is what I believe…and say to you, Square! (BTW, are you a chess player?)

    • On My Square says:

      Thank you very much… I play chess a little, play a few times a week. My screen name is based on something I talk to kids I have worked with on the South Side of Chicago about. “Don’t let anyone knock you off your square”, if you have a plan don’t let anyone or anything get in your way… STAY ON YOUR SQUARE!

  2. cruz2lose says:

    Blame in on the fact that I am a white chick or my lack of coffee this morning but you might have had a good laugh knowing that I sat here reapeatedly saying out loud,“da coh-na sto” until it hit me what it was. I love your blog!

  3. elroyjones says:

    This is the best one of the month!

  4. Interesting! Amazing! Smart! Sad!

    Wow.

    Shonda

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