An Open Letter to Mrs. Gloria (Herman) Cain

Dear Mrs. Cain,

Your husband’s a whore.

Kindest regards,

On My Square

p.s.

Since the last time I mentioned you, I found out why you have not been in the public eye.  First, you are above this.  Second, you are a registered Democrat in Georgia and more than likely support President Obama.

p.p.s.

Your husband seems to be buddying up to Newt Gingrich.  I hope you do not get diagnosed with cancer and Herman goes to Newt for advice on how a husband should handle that situation.

p.p.p.s.

Herman did a horrible job ‘getting out in front of’ the allegations from last month.  You should sit down with him and let him know that ‘getting out in front of a story’ does not mean go on The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer and announce the new allegation yourself.

p.p.p.p.s.

Before you sit down with him, slapping the shit out of him is acceptable.

p.p.p.p.p.s.

I need clarity on something from you.  The woman who has stepped up today said she had a 13-year-affair with Herman.  Just to be clear, you don’t consider that an affair right?  Considering your education you think of the time they spent together as a relationship that he felt was a priority.

p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

I know you are wrecking your brain trying to figure out what that girl’s name is.  It is “Left-Eye” from the group TLC, she is the woman that set her boyfriend’s house on fire when she thought he was cheating on her.  Glad I could help.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

By the way, you are a very beautiful woman.  How did the two of you happen?  You look like a member of the 1964 Homecoming Court at Morehouse College.  He looks like the brother begging for ass from insecure chicks with daddy issues when the bar is shutting down.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

Does he blink like that all the damn time and when making a point always say “and this is why for the following reasons”?  Doesn’t that get on your nerves?

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

No need to run to your kitchen cabinet… grits.  It was grits, hot hot grits, that woman threw on Al Green when she had enough of his cheating.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

Herman said your response to this was “Here we go again”.  I was pleased to hear that response lets me know you are aware and pretty much given up on him.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

No need to go to your computer and search for that information… Lorena Bobbit is who you are thinking about and yes you would be justified.

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55 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Mrs. Gloria (Herman) Cain

  1. “Does he blink like that all the damn time and when making a point always say “and this is why for the following reasons”? Doesn’t that get on your nerves?”

    You STUUUPID! LoL!!!

  2. OMG too funny but oh so real! I love it. P.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s I can not figure out why your posts are not coming to my email. I signed up to know when ever you post….are you trying to cheat me out of my dose of OnMySquare?

      1. I was reading through the comments before posting my reply only to discover @itstaylormade READ MY THOUGHTS! Well, not the part about John Stewart being “my second husband”… (that would require you to “read my dreams”)…

        Honestly, I was going to say this post is definitely on par with Stewart and Colbert. Look forward to reading more! (And thanks for stopping by my site!)

      2. I am humbled by any comparison to the work the writers of those two shows produce… The Daily Show is one my two favorite shows (The other being Pardon the Interruption on ESPN). I was studying at Second City when Colbert was on stage there and we were all blown away by his talent. Your Britney Spears post is a CLASSIC!

  3. An awesome to the point, telling it like it is post, thank you!

    ps I can vividly recall The pictures of The burned out home of Andre Rison after Left Eye got through burning his clothing.

  4. awesome take on cain’s idiotic behavior. if he keeps this up he’ll be predicting his own divorce and announcing it on Letterman.

      1. No dissing the old woman! My LED light is on!!!!! I will have my daughter come over here and find it! Just reread your post again. Tears again from laughing so hard!!!!!

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