Happy Black History Month!!! Today we salute The Snitch

Happy Black History Month! The Snitch is on every block talking real loud about the code of the streets while wearing a `Stop Snitching’ shirt. He is always telling you who he heard talked to the cops even though he is on speed dial at the precinct.  The Snitch will tell on anybody, it does not have to be a crime involved. 

 The Snitch will tell on a guy if he wants to sleep with his woman, the Snitch may know that he cannot sleep with that woman, but he will be damn’d if that guy keeps tappin’ the ass.  The Snitch does not even have to tell the truth, as long as they do not know what the truth IS, they will create a story that in their mind is the truth.  If the Snitch is jealous does not like that you have on some heels she wished she owned, those heels still have the tags tucked away and you plan on returning them tomorrow, wit’cha broke ass.

 Though the Snitch is a thorn in your side if it were not for them, the police would never arrest anyone in the Black community.  Most people in the Black community are afraid to talk to the police because they are afraid they will be found out by the criminals in their neighborhood and made a target or even worse labled a ‘snitch’.  The Snitch knows that there is no reason to be concerned about the criminals finding out, why?  Because the Snitch is a criminal, though he prefers to be called a ‘confidential informant’ or “CI”, he tells on other criminals so after they are arrested he can start committing the same crimes at the same places the guy he told on was.  Cops also let the Snitch get away with things based on how good his information is, so if the Snitch gives cops information on homicides and he keeps his crimes at or below selling dope, he can usually have a ‘get out jail free’ pass when arrested. 

Many Hip-Hop artists tell their fans they should not ‘snitch’, easy to say now that they do not live in neighborhoods, where someone telling on somebody could save a life… probably theirs (see Tupac).  Some rappers have made songs about ‘not snitching’, refused to coöperate with police conducting investigations, one rapper once said on CNN if he lived next door to a serial killer he would not tell the police… he would just move.  Unfortunately rappers are the biggest snitches ever.  When a rapper has ‘beef’ with another rapper the first thing they do is record a song that tells all the secrets they know about the rapper they do not like.  Can you imaging being snitched on through a post on Youtube?  How does the ‘violated’ rapper deal with being snitched on?  By snitching… if the other guy sent his snitching song to DJ Kay Slay, then the snitched on rapper goes on Funkmaster Flex’ show and dry-snitches.  No lyrics, no beat, no rhymes, no lubrication… sits in the studio talks to Flex in an interview format and tells Flex and the NYC metropolitan area (and eventually the entire Hip-Hop community) about the ‘short comings’ of the other rapper.  Honestly, rappers snitch on a higher level rarely achieved by street-level Snitches.  This level is called ‘keeping it real’ or as it is more commonly known ‘acting like a real bitch’.

 The Snitch’s favorite saying is ‘you can trust me’, usually stated after handing someone a joint while waiting for the unassuming person to tell on themselves.  Snitches do not record conversations or wear wires; no honorable Snitch would dare allow technology to do a job that they can do themselves.  The Snitch does not freely give away information, they could but they want you to work for it.  Think of the Snitch like the woman in your office that walks around the office telling everyone how much she loves the Lord and how she has to be at church every night of the week, but for a trip to Olive Garden on a Saturday night for bread sticks and all you can eat pasta you can have her speaking in tongues until she has to start getting ready for service the next morning.

Today’s snitch is a 3rd generation snitch, came from a snitching ass dad and snitching ass granddad, married a snitching ass mate… got together and made some snitching ass kids.  The Snitch has a picture of the Last Supper in their living room, with Judas sitting in the middle of the table finishing Jesus’ plate.  Crimes in the hood are solved by him for a carryout from Harold’s Chicken Shack on 35th and King Drive.  Happy Black History Month to the Snitch, we know you are someplace celebrating this month by telling people about the late great Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King… and his side ho.

Famous Snitches:

Kobe Bryant (told on 2 teammates, one to the cops the other before the playoffs)

Your little sister (told on you!)

President Jimmy Carter, admitted to lusting for a woman other than his wife.  NEVER EVEN HIT IT!!! (TOLD ON HIMSELF… DAAAAAAAAAAAMN)


6 thoughts on “Happy Black History Month!!! Today we salute The Snitch

  1. No, we must not forget to celebrate them, as they are rooted in Black History from days on the plantation. This snitching goes way back to that time and I would strongly suggest their ancestors traded them for a necklace that turned green soon as the ship hit the began sailing to America (and all those other places).

    Let’s now bow our heads for a moment of silence.

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