Today we honor Yo Mama! She may be so fat it takes a bus and 2 trains to get on her good side, so fat when her cell phone rings people think she’s backing up, so fat it takes a calendar year for her to put on her belt, we still honor her. Yo mama is timeless and resilient, right before God said let there be light He told Yo Mama to move out the way, scientists have said after the bomb drops the only survivors will be rats, roaches, and Yo Mama.
On this day we pay respect to Yo Mama, even though you may have heard her say ‘mama be back’ more than ‘mama love you’, even though she has had more men than money, even though she missed your 8th, 9th, 12th, 17th birthdays and graduation because she was locked up, we respect that woman today.
On this day we hold her up high… because she is so short she models for trophies, so short her homies are the Keebler Elfs, so short that in her driver’s license picture you can see her feet but we still look up to her. A wise woman Yo Mama is, so old and wise her memories are in black and white, so old and wise her birth certificate expired, so old and wise she co-wrote the Bible. So old and wise Yo Mama gave Harriet Tubman directions to the Underground Railroad… wise, wise, wise woman. Old too!
Yo Mama tried her best to give you the best, although her idea of a well-rounded meal was a burger, a cookie, and a donut, she was so poor your TV had 2 channels “on/off”, so poor in a conversation she can’t put in her 2 cents, so poor she made you eat cereal with a fork to save milk damn it she tried her best!
Life was not easy for Yo Mama, she faced challenges daily due to her short comings. So ugly when she walked into banks, they turned the cameras off. She still carried on! When she was 39 years old, she lost a finger so she could no longer count to 10. She still carried on! So dumb she took a survey and failed it. She still carried on! So dumb, when asked to make up her mind, she put lipstick on her forehead. She still carried on! Unfortunately she lost her job as a phone sex operator for giving out ear infections. She still carried on and eventually became famous! She went on to become a stunt double for Chubaca, the symbol of the Republican Party, today Big Foot takes pictures of her!
Without a doubt Yo Mama is one tough woman. Hell, Yo Mama is twice the man YOU are. The bitch’s middle name is Rambo. She got called in to serve jury duty and they found HER guilty. When watching a shoot out scene in a movie, she takes notes. She is undefeated in organized pit bull fights. She got a tattoo on her left tittie that says “GIMME YO FUCKIN’ MONEY”. Yo Mama knows what she wants too, for Christmas she bought your father knee pads. People call her squirrel because she’s always got nuts in her mouth. Yo Mama is still a considerate person, after sex she asks everybody for their name.
Though she wears a wig with a chin strap and has a fake leg with a kick stand she is still Yo Mama, so tell her… I’ll be home late for dinner, keep my plate warm, and make sure she puts your ass to sleep. Finally, a Happy Black History Month to Yo Mama… old heffa been around for all of them.