My bad for posting so late, I got caught up… Thanks for holding me down. Since I am late in putting this together let’s just go ahead and salute something found in every situation involving more than 4 Black people… Colored People Time (CPT)! If you have to be some place on time, I hope you are not depending on Black people to help you get there. If you do find yourself in a situation where the meeting starts in 15 minutes and the Black person you are riding with has noticed the bakery you are passing just opened and there isn’t a line, start getting your lie together. That’s even if it is that simple as realizing you are going to be late.
Most CPT’ers cannot put a finger on why they are always late. They eventually get to a point where their tardiness is their excuse for being tardy:
“Come on let’s get to the meeting”
“I ain’t in no rush. They know I’m always late”
True, people have come to expect the CPT’er to arrive late, pushing anything that needs to be discussed with them present to the back of the agenda. CPT’ers cannot tell you exactly why they are late, they leave on time. They stopped to get gas, an Egg McMuffin, and a card for everyone to sign for the boss’ birthday. That is not enough to make them real late. The 10 minutes they spent checking their lottery numbers at the gas station, the 3 minutes it took for the attendant to check those numbers again, and the additional 5 minutes it took for them to get today’s numbers (no quick picks for a CPT’er) all before they got to the 10 second transaction of “20 dollars on pump 7” never factors in to their thought process.
The 4 minutes they spent staring at the McDonald’s menu, trying to figure out what to order, after spending 10 minutes in line complaining about ‘how can someone get to the front of the line and not know what they want’? Only to order the same Egg McMuffin the CPT’er orders every day, add to the situation that this is a CPT’er we are talking about which means they stopped at a Black owned and operated McDonalds where the ‘fast’ in fast food in considered something to aspire to, not something to be applied today. So add another five minutes to the standard 3 minute Micky D’s wait time.
Picking up the birthday card from the pharmacy was the easy part, walked right in, grabbed the first card in the birthday section that made reference to ‘Our Boss’ and the CPT’er made their way to check-out. Oh, the magazines are here, and the new Jet Magazine is out. If it is a woman CPT’er, they have to read that article about how Toni Braxton or LisaRaye overcame something, if the CPT’er is a brotha straight to the Jet Beauty of the Week, a check of the Top Singles and Albums, and one more good look at the Beauty of the Week. By the time they arrive to work, the ‘birthday breakfast’ for their boss is about over and everyone had to awkwardly step out to sign the card without the big guy seeing them do so. What is usually 30 minutes of errands for most people before work, the CPT’er turns into an hour and 47 minutes of randomness and a written warning from HR.
Let’s take some time to recognize some famous CPT’ers:
Dr. Dre: Made his fans wait 7 years for the follow-up to The Chronic and is currently putting those same fans through a 13 year wait for his ‘final’ CD Detox. It now takes Dr. Dre so long to complete projects that beats he has made for Detox just end up on the albums of people signed to his label, if they stay. Contracts of some of his artists expire before he gets around to working with them. Last year he finally released a song that is listed as being from his upcoming Detox CD called “We Need A Doctor”… as in, “We need a doctor, to hurry the fuck up and release his album”. Ironically, Dr. Dre is from Compton, California a city also known as the ‘C.P.T.’, can’t make this shit up folks.
Halle Berry: Made brothers wait 13 years into her acting career before she showed us a titty. Then she couldn’t stop showing her titties. Most amazing thing is (other than her titties, honestly very nice. I don’t know how they are holding up post babies), once she started showing the C-cups to us she won an Academy Award. So she made herself wait too… she could have popped a titty out back in 1998 in Bullworth with Warren Beatty and saved herself the shame of begging Billy Bob Thornton to make her feel good.
The Black community’s recognition of their own economic power: Real talk, still waiting on this. Hold tight, this should have been here by now.
Kobe Bryant: It took Kobe Bryant 5 years to realize what most basketball fans already knew, he is no Michael Jordan and needs a star center by his side for him to win titles. It took 10 years, even though his daddy Joe “Jellybean” Bryant screamed it at him in 2002, for Kobe to realize he DID need a prenuptial agreement.
Black Entertainment Television: In what is an absolute record for CPT’ers… 25 years!!! 25 years is how late BET was to getting to something. It took 25 years for BET to arrive to the conclusion they didn’t give a fuck about reporting the news, even when the news meant something to Black people. When every cable network carried Corretta Scott-King’s funeral, BET put its big black middle finger up, took a swig of Hennessy and aired 106th and Park again. Bye Ed Gordan, Bye Tavis Smiley, Bye Jackie Reid (that one hurt me most of all), bye accountability to your community. Hello butt naked hoes in rap videos!!!