An Open Letter to Mrs. Gloria (Herman) Cain

Dear Mrs. Cain,

Your husband’s a whore.

Kindest regards,

On My Square

p.s.

Since the last time I mentioned you, I found out why you have not been in the public eye.  First, you are above this.  Second, you are a registered Democrat in Georgia and more than likely support President Obama.

p.p.s.

Your husband seems to be buddying up to Newt Gingrich.  I hope you do not get diagnosed with cancer and Herman goes to Newt for advice on how a husband should handle that situation.

p.p.p.s.

Herman did a horrible job ‘getting out in front of’ the allegations from last month.  You should sit down with him and let him know that ‘getting out in front of a story’ does not mean go on The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer and announce the new allegation yourself.

p.p.p.p.s.

Before you sit down with him, slapping the shit out of him is acceptable.

p.p.p.p.p.s.

I need clarity on something from you.  The woman who has stepped up today said she had a 13-year-affair with Herman.  Just to be clear, you don’t consider that an affair right?  Considering your education you think of the time they spent together as a relationship that he felt was a priority.

p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

I know you are wrecking your brain trying to figure out what that girl’s name is.  It is “Left-Eye” from the group TLC, she is the woman that set her boyfriend’s house on fire when she thought he was cheating on her.  Glad I could help.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

By the way, you are a very beautiful woman.  How did the two of you happen?  You look like a member of the 1964 Homecoming Court at Morehouse College.  He looks like the brother begging for ass from insecure chicks with daddy issues when the bar is shutting down.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

Does he blink like that all the damn time and when making a point always say “and this is why for the following reasons”?  Doesn’t that get on your nerves?

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

No need to run to your kitchen cabinet… grits.  It was grits, hot hot grits, that woman threw on Al Green when she had enough of his cheating.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

Herman said your response to this was “Here we go again”.  I was pleased to hear that response lets me know you are aware and pretty much given up on him.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s.

No need to go to your computer and search for that information… Lorena Bobbit is who you are thinking about and yes you would be justified.